We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
