you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
