I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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