I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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