I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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