so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
