am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
