JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
