The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
