I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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