How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
