1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
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If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
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You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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