My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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