I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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