my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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