you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
