Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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