just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
