i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
