where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
