I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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