yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
