The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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