he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
