im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
