I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
