Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
