Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize