so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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