Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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