My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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