after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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