I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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