whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
