my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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