made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
