he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
