So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
