He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
