There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
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