Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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