this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
