then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
