THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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