pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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