No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
