I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize