I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
