Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
