Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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