Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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