pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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