so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
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I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
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Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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