Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
