He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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