So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
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That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
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Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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