im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
