I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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