Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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