He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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