You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
