Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
