she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
