Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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